The Peter Parker Principle

Ever since I was a kid, my dad taught me the importance of being a responsible citizen, and of being a part of the solution, not the problem. This will prove to be the most important part of his lasting legacy to me and eventually my kids, when he eventually passes on to the next world. In his day this need to get involved was expressed primarily through his life-long involvement with labour unions, though it was also expressed in a multitude of other ways. I recall once when I was about 11 or 12 finding a 20 dollar bill in a parking lot in Antigonish. As I was about to pocket the money, my pop suggested that it could possibly be the last 20 dollars of some poor person, and now they'd go without food for a while. Of course he was right - this could very-well have been the case. So we took it to the police station and turned it in there. Of course, when pop called them back a month later to see if anyone had claimed it, it seemed that someone on the police force wasn't as honest as pop and I because the money had not been claimed, but it was missing. But that's a story for another day. I also recall the time my brother bought a new pair of CCM Tacks (skates) at Canadian Tire. When he got home he realised the clerk had accidentally given him SuperTacks, but charged him the price of the less-expensive Tacks. Of course he went back and reported the problem, and exchanged the SuperTacks for Tacks.

The lesson was always not only to do what was right, but also to never stand by and watch when someone was doing something wrong. Later in life I would start referring to this latter social responsibility which was imprinted on me by my father as "The Peter Parker Principle". Peter Parker is of course Spiderman. And his story is that shortly after he got his super powers, he neglected to stop a criminal, who later that day went on to kiill Peter's Uncle Ben. One should always do whatever one can to stop someone from doing something which one would not want done to one's own family or friends. What lengths you go to in order to do this really depends on the person's own abilities, and the situation.

I recall one summer around when I graduated from university, there were a bunch of friends sitting around in the attic apartment of a friend who was still attending university, when suddently a friend of mine who happened to be looking out the window jumped up and said there were 3 guys running over the tops of the parked cars along the street - they just ran right down the line of them, and smashed through the sun roof of the car out front - which belonged to the tenant below them.

Everyone dashed for the door but even though I was barefoot I was the only one who did not stop to put my shoes on. I was out front and down the street after the culprits a minute or two ahead of my friends. When I'd caught up with them, I saw they were all 3 very large - I was later to find out they were all former football players. Nonetheless I chided them, telling them that we'd seen what they had done and we'd called the police. The 3 large guys were starting to get a bit surly, and my friends still hadn't come out of the house since they had all stopped to put on their shoes, so I doubled-back up the street to wait for them. When they arrived we decided to chase down the culprits. But they had enough of a head-start by that point that we lost them in the side-streets. But we saw them go down by the old train station where there is lots of woods to hide. Further up the line of woods along the tracks we eventually saw the 3 of them pop out and run into the local tavern.

By then the police had arrived and we reported everything we'd seen. Two of us jumped into the police car and drove with them over to the tavern. One officer went inside and eventually returned with our 3 loverboys in tow. We easily fingered them. And their shoe prints ended up matching the ones on the cars. And we found out a few days later that the 3 of them were former university football players who had failed out of university and joined the military since they had no other prospects. Their Commanding-Officer was absolutely furious with their behavior, and made them plead guilty to all charges. The C-O actually continued to call my friend once a month for the next year or so, to give him updates on just how these clowns were paying for their bad deeds.

Well done!

Another incident I recall happened a few years after this one, in the airport in Frankfurt Germany when I was returning to Canada after living 2 years in that country. I was sitting in a large and well-marked no-smoking section. To my immediate right were 2 clowns with an ashtry sitting right below a no-smoking sign, smoking away. To my left was an elderly couple. The two were talking very loudly about how rude it was for these two men to be smoking in a no-smoking area, and the husband was complaining about his emphasema. I finally decided that if I didn't so something, then nobody would - so I stood up and walked briskly the few steps towards the guys smoking, as though to confront them. But instead I stopped at the ashtry, snatched it up off the floor, and carried it over to a clearly-marked smoking section where it belonged. I then came back and stood in front of the two gentlemen, who were shrugging sheepishly and motioning towards where the ashtry had been as though to say "well what was the ashtry doing in the no-smoking section"? They picked their sorry arses up and went to the smoking section, and that was that.

For years it was not uncommon for me to approach someone smoking in a bus shelter and ask them to stop. There have been times when I've seen someone toss trash out of a vehicle, and I've picked it up, opened the door, and tossed it right back in. The same when I've seen cigarette butts come flying out of a car window. Over the years I actually started to get a bit worried that my days were numbered. It would only be a matter of time before I got a punch in the mouth because of my convictions.

So 2 years ago now almost to the day, I started practicing Aikido. I've been taking it very seriously and attend at least 3 classes a week, though sometimes as many as 5 classes a week. And sure enough, a few weeks ago my convictions ended up getting me into a fight.

A few weeks ago on Friday night I was going out to catch Ukrainia playing at Barrymore's downtown. They are a fusion band, who mix ukrainian folk music and rock/punk - and do a very good job of it as well! I hauled out the Ukrainian hand-embroided shirt that my cousin Vasili had given me. I'd been storing for some 15 years now and have never worn it. I also hauled out my Ukrainian flag. I searched around for something to use as a flag pole and eventually decided on one of the 4.5 foot pieces of 1" oak dowell that I'd made, but did not quite make it to becoming a jo (not quite straight enough to be a 'jo' - or japanese fighting staff)

I slipped the flag over the wannabe-jo, stapled it in place, furled the flag around the poll, put on my shirt, and left the house for the bus stop about 8pm - prepared for an evening of music and much fun. My wife had been out to a lot of concerts over the years, but the last one I'd been out to was actually with her when she was pregnant with our first son.

Anyway, we live on a short street one block long, and when I was just about at the end of the street I heard a vehicle turn the corner at the other end of the street and gun-it. I stepped out a foot or so into the road and turned to face the vehicle at the far end, and waved the end of the jo / flagpole towards the ground, meaning of course "slow down". I recall once about 8 years ago being the guy in the car in this situation, and when the father playing road-hockey with his kids flagged me down in that same manner, I immediately knew what I was doing wrong. And in fact every since that day I've been extremely mindful of my driving in residential areas.

Anyway, when the driver saw me signalling to slow down, he gunned it even harded so I stepped out further into the street and held the jo up in front of me - towards him. He kept gunning it and finally started to slow down when he neared me. He drove past me pretty fast still, and snarled at me as he went past. I tapped the side of his vehicle with the end of my flagpole indicating how incredibly unimpressed I was with his behavior in a neighbourhood where there are lots of young kids often playing in the streets. He screeched to a halt.

I was standing behind his large SUV, about 3 or 4 feet off the back passenger corner so I could almost see the driver's door around the corner. I saw it open and out he came. My first thought was "he's got a good 30 or 40 lbs on me", then "he sure seems to be angry", and finally "I just may be in trouble here". That was all in the instant it took him to take only a step or two. As he continued he snarled something about touching his truck, and I snapped back something about him driving like a madman on a street where kids play. My kids.

He came at me pretty fast and furious, very-much ready to rumble. I didn't think, I just acted. I calmly held onto my flagpole with both hands extended in front, with the pole held at arms length on a 45 degree angle. i.e. one hand about shoulder height, and the other about hip height. He took the bait and grabbed hold of it with both of his hands. For the next 30 or 40 seconds he switched back and forth between trying to jerk the pole from my hands, and trying to use it to push me over backwards. And with every failed attempt he got angrier and angrier.

It was kind of neat for me because for the first time ever I actually felt someone's center - which is an aikido term for when you can feel another person's body mass as a single point in space ( and time ). You can only do this of course either when they are holding on to you, or you them (or both of you to a big piece of oak, as in this situation). It was all happening in slow motion for me and it seemed like I had an eternity to counteract each of his moves - kind of like the scene from the Spiderman movie where Toby McGuire gets into the fight in the cafeteria with the bully. I could feel what he was doing and simply had to calmly move my body to neutralise his repeated attempts.

But as he got angrier I decided I had to do something quick to end the situation before he got out of hand. So the next time he pushed, I let him come in a lot further as I lowered my left hand almost to the ground - both hands of course still on the pole in 1/3 positions. He took the bait and came right down with me, at which point I spiraled back up and performed a tenkan (turn) with ikjo (literally : "first move") with both of us holding onto the jo with both hands.

I had a good feel for his weight by that point so I had an idea how much force to use to perform the technique without overdoing it. Unfortunately I undershot a bit but I still managed to make him go into a perfect front roll. It was slow and there was no chance of doing any harm to him. And the front roll was not something of his doing at all - it was all me. He came up out of it very confused as to what just happened. I took the opportunity to back away a half step or so and point the pole at him and curse at him for driving like a maniac.

Confused, and sensing that he was outmatched, he jumped into his SUV and sped off. I regret that I did not note his license plate number. It had an A, M and X or H and that's all I know.

I proceeded to walk through the bank parking lot towards the bus stop when I saw a tall man maybe 6 feet. But in an instant I looked into his face and realised he wasn't a man at all, but a boy who looked as though he might be 12 and just new to puberty and this whole growing like weed thing. The pre-teen looked at me and asked what the heck that was all about. I was stilil pretty riled up and was cursing a lot. I told him the effing guy was doing 90 down our street, and then I said "f**king idiot is going to kill one of you guys". I stopped myself from saying "one of you kids" which is what was in my head first. I wanted to give him more respect than that since surely he did not think of himself as a kid anymore. "Not on my f**king street he's not" I proceeded to exclaim to the tween.

He looked at me with a very serious look in his eyes and suddenly blurted out a genuinely sincere "thanks man".

And we both continued on our separate ways.

Just to wrap up, I should mention something very important here - in Aikido we learn above all else that conflict should be avoided at all costs. And as far as that goes even though I sent this guy away completely unharmed, I failed in my encounter with this man who was driving like a maniac on my street. I provoked him, essentially. But what I want to mention is that I take this aspect of my Aikido training very seriously, and want to point out that while I failed this time, ever since I've been practising Aikido I've chosen my battles a lot more wisely. It's been over a year now since I've confronted a smoker in a bus shelter, for example, even though I see one almost every week. So rather than saying that I practise Aikido so that I can be the way I am (which was true when I began), I would say that because I practice Aiikido I am learning to change who I am into someone better.

I still live by the Peter Parker Principle, but choose to get involved only when there is a strong potential for someone getting hurt or having a serious injustice comitted against them. As was the case with the man in the SUV.